I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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