so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
