you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
