I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
