I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
