i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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