College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
