she woke up with a sticky ear
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
