Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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