I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need moral support for this bender
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
