oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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