i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
