I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
