Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Help. Why am I so naked?
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