I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
