How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
