I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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