Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
how drunk are you?
Several
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
