It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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