Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
