I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
