I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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