I'd wear matching sweaters with you
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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