she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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