I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
