how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
