This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
