apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
