If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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