I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
