i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
