this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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