Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
