i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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