honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
