Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
