so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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