So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
