Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
