I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
