end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He passed out mid-signature
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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