apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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