yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
