You were right. It hurts to walk today.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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