you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
