I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
