i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
