smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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