Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
