At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
