i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
