the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
