he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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