My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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