He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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