Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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