I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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