I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
