get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
