So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
