and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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