I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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