I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
