I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to calm my uterus...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
