Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
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he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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