I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
