I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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