hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
