I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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