If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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