How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
