If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
