Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
