Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
