Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
