I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
