So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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