Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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