Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
