so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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