we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
