I wish I could punch you in the face.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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